Who we are
Welcome to the PHATT Media Club Privacy Policy, where we know that you’re only here to humor us, and probably not because you actually care about your privacy! In a world where corporations control our every move and people still watch “YouTubers React to Expired Cereal,” we admit that privacy is more a dream than a reality.
So, without further ado, let’s dive into what this policy is about, what it does, and, more importantly, what it doesn’t do.
Information we collect (or occasionally stumble upon)
- Your email address: In order to reach out and spam ahem communicate with you about the latest life-changing technology, we would need your email address.
- Your device data and usage information: Hey, don’t be paranoid; we need to know what kind of Orwellian gadget you’re using to access our website. After all, how else could we sneak you those curated razor recommendations for your viewing pleasure?
What we do (and don’t do) with this information
- Share it with the aforementioned copyright-obsessed dystopian overlords: Our first priority is to support the revolution against bad TV and sky-high streaming prices. Therefore, we solemnly swear never to share your data with anyone trying to shove their cheaply-made-yet-oddly-expensive shows down our throats.
- Collect your autograph: While you’re just trying to get through another day of mediocre programming, remember we’re not here for any pernicious purposes. Your information is for the sole use of PHATT Media Club inside the club only. You know what they say, “What happens in the bad-TV-resistance bunker stays in the bad-TV-resistance bunker.”
- Send you endless spam: We won’t bombard you with endless clickbait emails, although we might send you an occasional wink and a nudge in the direction of content worth watching. Scout’s honor!
Legal Mumbo-Jumbo
This privacy policy is here to give you a good chuckle and ease your mind – but in all seriousness, we want you to know that we care about your privacy. So, here are a few legal tidbits to cement the deal:
- We’re subject to the Dystopian Corporation Law (DCL).
- In case of any conflict between you and government goons, we’ll not be held responsible (but we will probably root for you from the sidelines).
- If you encounter any issues or have questions, our team of highly trained lawyers in clown suits will be more than happy to assist you.
Phew! Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, let’s go back to what we do best: recommending shockingly amazing material to watch, helping you dodge those awful dystopian bullets one movie at a time. Welcome to the PHATT Media Club, and please remember: sharing is still caring.